Day 2 - Attacking the dishes

Focused and attacking the dishes

I woke up and attacked the dishes as soon as I had the chance, because I was not going to allow them to give me grief when I stepped off for my walk early this morning. I had too many errands to do, and I couldn't get to the walk after lunch like I had been doing... And as I was walking, it struck me, why it mattered that the dishes were done or not done before I left the house. And, I didn't like this answer that came to my head... it is because I didn't want to hear my mothers voice admonishing me about the dishes... wow, where did that come from? It didn't come from somewhere, it has always been there I realized with a sigh. I have always done things to avoid the voice, or to make the voice happy... (or go away rather, either way, same thing)... what does my voice sound like in my kids heads? yikes!

Which leads me to think two things... I can always justify my yelling saying, well I turned out OK even though my mom yelled all the time (that is purely my recollection, she might remember differently), or I can venture out of that and say, well, that is all I know to do, I haven't been taught differently, I didn't have a role model exactly, where do I start? How do I go about this? Do I pick up a "how to raise your child" book? what author? from which country? do they have the same culture? do I really want an Indian parenting book... but I am raising my kids in the states, are there better parents in the states? do I want to read a book by some psychologist and determine how to raise my kids without yelling... does timeouts really work after all? I don't know, I have never been consistent with that. This parenting man, it is hard! How can I be and say and do the same thing over and over without losing patience? to teach and to mentor and to coach and cheer and most of all be the driver, all without giving in to that tiny trigger and release...

Day 2 report 

For today though I am content, I didn't have another tirade. Homework list is made, and we are getting through another day of getting all the homework done. It is already 8:30 and we just got home, the kids straight from school. Wednesdays are long days, so I am just going to remember the kids have had long days, and just will be slower.

Would you know it, the first question out of my kid's mouth when he saw me was... Mom, did you get that walk in... Yes, and I walked 4 miles, and did the second day of meditation in the series... The centering thought for today is I create my personal abundance from an infinite source, and I used the mantra Aham Brahmasmi {The core of my being is the ultimate reality). As I thought of what I want for my personal abundance, it occurred to me that I needed patience , and right now, might I add...